The Week That Was

Hi all, hope you are all enjoying this wet weather as much as I am. :D Though, of course I understand that not everyone lives where I live and that does mean that not everyone will be experiencing the same weather but don't get technical with me.


This post is to outline the week that has just been, well-duh, and so I shall tell you. 


Monday: Monday was off to a bit of a shaky start. I just did the usual, actually no I didn't. I went somewhere new actually compared to my usual place of going (it's the library, not really that secretive). I think this is what screwed everything up for me and made everything different. Well, I defiantly learnt from that and I won't be doing that again I can tell you. 


Tuesday: Tuesday was so much better as I knew what I was doing today. I was going to my usual spot at my usual time and later that day I was being joined by Phantomess to have a girly afternoon. That was exactly what I needed I think, just to have that time with someone rather than being by myself. We mainly went in search of Disney Princess movies. The classics I mean not any of this new stuff. We didn't have much luck but did we managed to find a Beatrix Potter collection and found out that as shameful as it is, we both like watching The Hills. Shame Shame Shame. Anyway, moving on. I can't really remember what else we did apart from look at clothes and shoes. The shoe thing has defiantly become our thing since whenever we are together we try on so many different pairs of shoes that the assistants must know us by now and know that we're not going to buy anything. Well, that's not true since Phantomess has bought one pair of shoes while with me and may I say they did look amazing on her. 


Wednesday: I must admit that Tuesday was really hard to top and I defiantly didn't top it as I was back to being a loner. I've started people watching again. I find it really interesting because you see so many different people from all these different backgrounds and you never know what they might do. I'm not being creepy or anything. Not stalking or anything along those lines. Get your mind out of the gutter people!


Thursday: Now there's a guy at the library that I go to that's there whenever I'm there but he leaves before me. He's not creepy, he's just a guy in his mid-late 20s whose always at the library and who couldn't possibly have a job unless he works nights. Now, I always like to get this particular table and because we're always there at the same time he knows it's my table. He also has a table that he prefers and he often doesn't get it because he's always late and someone else has taken it. It's actually quite funny to watch because he's often left with the worst table and without a power point for his laptop. On this particular day however, he decided because his table was already gone he could go and steal my seat because I was running late for once. Oh this was not a good idea and he knew it. When I did get there a total of 15 minutes later and I saw that he had stolen my seat, I was so mad. I had no other choice but to go to the worst table and set up camp there until he moved. When he heard me pull out my chair and turned to look who it was, what he saw was truly frightening as his eyes bulged and he quickly turned back to his computer screen. He should have been scared. He stole my seat. It's the only one that's on it's own and that has a power point next to it. As a couple of hours went by things began to become more intense as I kept looking out the window and he kept looking over his shoulder to see what I was doing. After another hour he asked if I really wanted the seat for the power point and I said that it was fine for now. He left shortly afterward and I got my seat so all was well in the end. I just want to see what happens on Monday :P. 


Friday: Friday was mums day off so that meant that I wasn't going anywhere fast. It meant staying home for most of the day and I wasn't that happy about it and she knew. We did go out in the afternoon though so all was not lost. 


Saturday: And now we have come to the day that is today. Today wasn't THAT bad but it defiantly didn't start great. I wasn't happy because our plans had changed. Well, they hadn't changed that much but I still wasn't happy about it seeing as they changed from what we planned the day before. Here's hoping tomorrow will be worry free and have no drama like today did. 


I must say though that today's weather has been really annoying but good at the same time. This morning it was cloudy and it looked like it was going to rain, then it was sunny and the clouds were clearing, the it was raining, then sunny again and so on. It wasn't until we went out did the weather change for the better. I must say that I absolutely hate it when Mother Nature doesn't know what she's doing. I prefer it to be completely sunny or raining all day. None of this in between business and not knowing if it's rainy or sunny. It has been raining all afternoon and hopefully it will continue for the rest of the night. That would be the best thing. 


This coming week will mark the first week of University for my friends. I'm excited for them and I'm excited about the fact that I will be joining them at the campus that they are attending next year. I think it's better that I'm a year behind them because then I'll have people there who will know what they're doing and that can help me with my timetabling and where everything is because I know I'll get lost on such a big campus. I would like to say good luck everyone for this week and I hope that your courses are everything you want them to be. 


That was the week that was and this is me signing off. Have a wonderful week everyone!

Note to Self

So, yesterday after the whole breakdown thing the day before, mum decided I needed to go to the beach for some relaxation. It felt wonderful and I was all chilled and relaxed and when we got home everything felt fine and then this morning everything was fine as well then something clicked again this afternoon. I can't explain it but lit's like flicking a switch and I change automatically. I need to find a way to get over this anxiety and get over it fast because it is over powering me at the moment and I don't know how long I can keep my head above water. 

Tears

Okay so, I had a very big melt down in the car today. It was not very attractive I can tell you. I don't really know where it came from. I think it has been building for a while and I haven't dealt well with it. Maybe I was meant to break down today but I wish the universe would cut me some slack and let me be for a while. My days have been filled with tension. I need to get over it but I don't know how. I still feel like crying and I can't control it one hundred percent of the time. Only one day left that I have to get through. 

I need to find something lighter to talk about and get my mind away from everything that is happening right now. 

So you know how I have been going through other people's blog and re-reading everything? I don't think this is very healthy. I mean yes, things were going great when I was reading Life in Demisemiquavers but when I got to Crayons Can Melt On Us For All I Care, things started going pear shaped again. I don't blame Clearly Unfocused and her blog writing skills but I think that may have been the tipping point. 

I don't really know what to say anymore as I can feel the tears coming on and I don't really want to be crying at the computer. 

The Re-reading

Hello again munchkins, I know it hasn't been very long since I last blogged (Wednesday to be exact) and you may be wondering 'Yo what's her deal?'. Well, lately or over the past 2 days I have been re-reading everyone's blogs from their first post to their most present. Here are my findings:

I started with the lovely blog of Phantomess. It took me around 2 days to finished it but it was worth it. Since we all started these blogs around the same time it was all mainly focused on our senior year of high school. Now that that is officially over and has been for a good 3 months, I decided to go over everything again and how my closest friends have changed throughout their journey that was last year. Now I must say that Phantomess is the funniest person I know and her blog really shows this. I was reading this in a library and I found it so hard to retain my laughter as she posts "5 non-kinky things to do after dark" and a lovable tale about how her dog only runs on 3 legs when running away from a hool-a-hoop. That was some funny stuff I can tell you. If you ever have a chance re-read it do it. It also showed me what a troubled year she had. I never would have guessed it at the time even though I would read her blog at night and then come to school the next day thinking about it but the thoughts would vanish when I saw her and how bubbly she was. It also gave me a funny insight to how her family worked and how she feels about certain issues such as marriage. Now, Phantomess and I have discussed this regularly about what we want out of a husband and a relationship and how we both want to get married quite young. We also have the same views about what type guy we want to fill this spot. Having someone that close to you makes you feel like you're more than friends but more like sisters or family. I feel as though Phantomess knows how I'm feeling and knows what I want out of life since she shares a lot of the same views. I love her to pieces and never want to give her up as friend or should I say family member :P

Now that I have finished with Life in Demisemiquavers I have moved on to the blog of my oldest friend Clearly Unfocused. I'm about half way through and I shall keep you posted about what I rediscover. 

Continuing on from my post on Wednesday, the rest of the week hasn't actually been that bad. I have given up Facebook like I said I would and believe me when I say that it is one of the best things that I have ever done. It feels wonderful not obsessing over what others are doing. I don't know why I have the thing in the first place. I'm not going to get rid of it but I think a good month or so break is defiantly in order for me to rediscover myself and how I feel about everything. Life was defiantly more stressful when I was on social media but now I have rediscovered my blog and I hope to bring you guys with me throughout this year and share in my discovery's with my friends and also by myself. I finally remember why I started this in the first place. It's wonderful just to write down your thoughts after a long day and then store it and leave it there as though it is part of you. Which of course I know it is I just like writing things down as well instead if bottling them up like I use to. 

I'm watching Harry Potter while writing this and it makes me want to go back to primary school and have my teacher read the books to me and my class again. I'll be back there soon but as the teacher this time and not the student. I must say that it is a relief not to have to go through that again. 

I think that is where I shall be ending it tonight. I want to read some more of the blog of Clearly Unfocused. I hall keep you up to date with my findings. Anyway happy blogging!

Opinions

Hi all, welcome to this new post on the 15-02-12. 

This week (keep in mind that it is only Wednesday) has been a very strange week. You see, over the weekend I visited the beach and it was one of the most relaxing times I have experienced. It was wonderful. It helped me exit reality for the day. But now, now I'm back to reality and I hate it. I mean it's the same always the same but something is different somehow. I just can't put my finger on it. I think my anxiety levels have increased again which they haven't done since early January/late December. I'm on edge and it's only been happening the past 3 days. I'm really not looking forward to the weekend either but I'm trying to tell myself that it's only 2 days then it will be over for 5. But then it comes around again. Another 2 days before 5. I remember feeling similar to this at school in relation to the weekends but not in year 12. More like years 10 through 11. It's like a big endless cycle. But it will stop? Hopefully. Maybe staying off Facebook for a while will help. I'm all for leaving people from school behind but not the ones that are like family. Maybe I need to stop seeing what everyone from school is doing now and just concentrate on myself and my closest friends. That should make things easier right?

Now, onto a more lighter note. Phantomess has now got her license the lucky thing :D I am so proud of her for being the first one in the group plus showing her stupid, rude instructor that she could do it when he said she couldn't. With this brings me to my driving ability. Okay, so I have my learners and I have a considerable amount of hours and I'm ready to take my test (as soon as I finish my hours that is) but the trouble is that my current car, while she is wonderful and I love her heaps, needs a bit of work. Okay a lot of work. She really needs a servicing and new tyres and brakes and all the rest of it but until that happens I have to practice in mums car. Believe me that does not go down well. While she says that she trusts me with driving the fact that I see her gripping the door handle and telling me to slow down or to not do this or that makes it very clear that she doesn't trust me with the car. Funny that. So now I haven't been driving very much because mum doesn't want me to drive my car because it needs work and because "the brakes might fail" and she won't really let me drive her car. What a sticky situation I'm in. 

I don't really know what else to chat about in this blog post. Maybe I've said everything I needed to. Oh! I almost forgot to talk about Valentine's Day. So yesterday was Valentine's Day and no matter where I looked or walked there were women and even girls in school uniform (yes school uniform) carrying flowers (mainly roses) from their boyfriends or partners. Let's just say that I was more than a little bitter about the whole thing.Valentine's Day is the one day where your singleness is pointed out to you. It got worse because then I started seeing people actually doing the exchange of roses and chocolates and bears when they were picking up their significant other up from work. The whole thing was absolutely rubbed in my face then. So I come to ask myself, what is the meaning of this day? Like, what was the very first Valentine's Day all about?Has it changed much since then? Has it just become a big commercial thing and lost it's true meaning? You have to wonder these things don't you? Haven't all holidays come very commercial though? I think they have. Whether that's your opinion or not doesn't bother me but I believe they have all lost meaning. 

I think that's all I've got to say for now. Happy blogging everyone. I think we should blog more, don't you?

Do's and Don'ts

Ok, so after spending the day with the gorgeous Phantomess yesterday, I decided that I should make a list of what i do and don't want in mmmsauce. Ok here it goes. 

Do want: 

- Be at least 3-4 years older (for maturity reasons)

- Be in a stable job or have a career

- Healthy and be heath conscious 

- Not to drink too much

- Non-smoking

- Have money behind him (savings)

- Know what they want out of life (marriage, kids, etc.)

- Have a passion

- Caring

- Considerate of others

- Clean-cut, or just clean in general

Don't Want:

- Be lazy

- Unemployed

- Social drinker

- Unhealthy

- Poor hygiene

- Immature 

- Unshaven 

Wow, these lists make me realise that I actually do have something quite specific in mind and that I have very high standards.It's unnerving to also realise that there are probably more things I want, I just don't know them yet. This isn't very comforting as there is probably a 2% chance that I will actually get what I'm looking for. I don't really want to drop my standards but maybe I should be more open minded about things. But I can't really do that until I sorted myself out first. Hmmm, only time will tell I guess. Stay tuned.  

The SLQ Harem

Well ladies and gentlemen since my breakdown and horribly depressing post yesterday about fears, I have decided to create a wants post. I want a lot of things. I want to move house and neighborhood, I want a new car, I want a good job, I want a good career, I want a routine and I want to have a boyfriend to share everything with and have that partnership I've seen others have. 


Now, to get things started I think I'll skip over the bit about wanting to move and all that because you guys heard all that in the last post. I think I'll move straight onto wanting a new car. You see, I've already got my own car which is something that is coveted by people my age. I love my car, I really do, but she's just getting to that point where everything is starting to need fixing. She's 9 years old this year and they say you should replace your car every 5 or so years and I'm way over that. But I love her and I couldn't bare to give her up. So I'll just have to suck it up because I love her too much. Even though she's not ever fast, has a wonky wheel (which is truly terrifying) and that she constantly smells of petrol. I couldn't sell her. I'm afraid she'll never be treated the way she was treated with me. I think I may just have to fix her and then drive her for a bit longer. Yeah that's what I'll do. Old cars for the win!


Next want: Get a good job. I have wanted this for a while. I want to have a job where I can go everyday and get there at the same time and leave at the same time everyday. I want something in the city so it gives me a good drive in the morning and in the afternoon. I like a good drive. It's nice driving in the morning because everything is fresh from the night before and everybody is just waking up and heading to work just like you are. Then you go to work and have the day all planned out for you and you do the same things everyday. It's a nice feeling. It's like school. Going to the same place at the same time everyday. Getting a job will be wonderful. Now all I can do is keep doing what I'm doing. giving people applications and sending them in. I've already had to turn down two jobs because it wasn't the right time. Well, it's the right time now. 


So, I want a good career. I have changed my career so many times it's driving me crazy. And yet I keep coming back to the one industry: Education. When I was in year 9 I decided that I was going to be a teacher instead of a vet nurse. We all go through the phase of wanting to become a vet and some people are destined to do that but I was just not one of them. So I wanted to be a teacher. Nothing wrong with that. They can get work nation wide as well as some international. But the job security was always something that didn't agree with me. I've heard from one of my best friends that the education industry has a habit of switching people around without much notice. I don't really like that or the fact that in Australia there is a thing called 'Bush Service'. This means that new teachers who have just graduated are preferred to go out into the middle of nowhere for a couple of years and give something back to the community or some crap like that. Then once they've done their service they are able to come back to the city and apply for jobs around the city. Sounds simple enough right? WRONG! There are so many new teachers each year that it is so difficult to find work. That is where the Bush Service came from I'm pretty sure. Nobody quote me on it but I'm pretty sure that's how they got around the whole issue of having no jobs available. So they'll send me into the middle of nowhere and I'll be stuck there without knowing anyone in town or what to do with myself. But I've tried to find other careers but nothing seems to fit as well as teaching does. Oh well, I think I'll just see what this year takes me.


Next: Routine. I haven't had a routine since I graduated from high school almost two months ago. School was school. As I mentioned before, you go there at 8 leave at 3:15. Simple. I think I have finally got myself a routine again and I love it. My routine is that I leave the house at 7am every morning with mum and she drops me off at the Gallery of Modern Art (GoMA) in the city then she goes off to work. This leaves me in the city for the day. When I began my new routine (yesterday) I didn't really know what to do with myself so I just waited until the State Library opened and went in there. Today however, I took a walk along the boardwalk and after that I went back to SLQ and waited until it was opening time. I must say that for a library in Brisbane, heck a library anywhere, the place has a lot of mmmsauce. Now for those of you who don't know what or who mmmsauce is then I can't help you. Mmmsauce just is mmmsauce. Mmmsauce can't be defined because it is unique to everyone. Everyone has different mmmsauce. But since going to SLQ I have found quite a few mmmsauces. None more than today, but the funny thing is that my friends have been there every weekend for years and have told me that there is no mmmsauce in sight. Maybe it's just my lucky days. I hope the trend continues next week . That could be exciting. 


The last thing I want is something that only two other people on this earth with understand. I talking about the other two members of the SWB club better known as the Single Women's Business club. That's right you heard me or read it; whatever. If you want to read aloud that's cool too. Whatever floats your boat. Anyway, it's hard to explain how I'm feeling at the moment towards relationships. While at SLQ today there were all these couples there and they were sharing seats and kissing and leaning towards each other and all I wanted to do was start crying and be all "WHY MUST YOU DO THAT *sob* IN FRONT OF ME LIKE THAT?" yeah that would have gone down well. It's not that I hate it when people show public displays of affection, I just don't like having to see it because I don't have it and I want it. It's kinda unfair but I guess that's just where I am at the moment. I hate it and I don't wish it one anyone but meh. It was going to happen. I guess it doesn't help the situation when I'm going to be seeing my ex-boyfriend this weekend. Adding salt to the wounds I guess you should say. I just had a perfect idea. Someone should write a book about SWB. That would make a great book. Everything we go through, what we feel. How we get together and go to the same cafe with this totally mmmsauce waiter. Stupid mmmsauce. I mean yes totally mmmsuace but still totally out of reach. 


Well that was the wants post. I must say I hope the SLQ harem are back next week.