1. Got accepted into uni
2. Deferred Uni offer for 6 months
3. Started looking for work
4. Changed my mind and wanted to accept uni offer but was too late to do so
5. Started online course while I waited
6. Almost finish first subject when realised that I didn't have the software to complete it
7. Didn't bother with course anymore
8. Changed my mind about what course I wanted to do and looked into starting new one
9. Got heaps of job interviews but rejected the jobs for some stupid reason
10. Stopped looking for work
11. Started looking into uni again
12. Looked at the uni all of my friends are at and want to go there
13. Figured out I could get accepted into there but have to wait until semester one
14. Stopped studying all together
15. Did nothing at the library except read magazines and play games on my phone
16. Met up with friend who is currently going to Uni and didn't like what I heard about it so decided to look for work again
17. This is where I'm at today
This has all been a bit of a nightmare. Put on top of that depression and multiple breakdowns because of it and you'll find me at the end of that long confusing road.
I have a habit of looking at where other people are in their lives and comparing them to myself. I must say that this isn't very healthy of me to do. I look at the people who didn't get OP's from school and I must say that are doing a hell of a lot better than those people who got accepted into Uni. I got one of the worst OP's imaginable. I think only one kid got worse than me possibly and all the ones that have horrible OP's or don't have them at all are doing really well. The ones with OP's, good OP's well they have no money, no jobs and have to have Hex debts to pay for their studies. That life doesn't look so glamorous to me. I'm no different to them though since I have no money, no job. I've tried Uni during year 12 and I must say that it wasn't the greatest. It was stressful, the work was horrible and the people weren't very encouraging. I don't really think I fit in with my friends who are going to Uni and who are academic people while I'm the total opposite. I hated school, I was always last minute with all my work and I wanted nothing to do with the teachers. It doesn't make sense for me to be hanging around people like that. I don't like it, I'm sure they probably don't either. I don't like it for the fact that I feel they think they're above me because they're at University and they're having all these 'experiences'. I want nothing to do with it. So, for people who are like that, I'll be your friend but I don't want to hear about your amazing Uni life okay. I just don't! It's not my life and I want nothing to do with it.
That was something that has been building for quite a while and I kinda got tipped over the edge yesterday when a really good friend of mine who I thought I was spending the day with ditched me after an hour and a half for one of her Uni friends. Yeah, thanks a lot. Let's just say that I didn't appreciate it. It was kinda awkward between us anyway like we were totally different people and haven't been friends for 5+ years. There was a lot of silence.
So, coming back on topic of sorting out my life I'm going to get a job. A very good job that pays well (none of this by the hour crap) and have an actually income and meet mew friends there. I defiantly need new friends, friends who are up to the same things in their lives as I am in mine. My current friends aren't. They're still in teenage mode whilst I'm in 20s mode. It's amazing how things change in a few short months. I'm glad I've made these changes. I'm glad I'm moving forward and dropping high school and all it's contents behind me. It's like a snake removing it's skin. I'm finally shedding all of high school away from me and leaving it where it need to be. I'll never look back. Only forward from now on. Good luck me. I wish you well through this journey alone.
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