Hello everyone! What a week it has been. I am relieved that it is coming to a close let's just say. Another week of self discovery and blah blah blah. Isn't that getting a little repetitive? I think it is. I'm over it but what can you do when you feel a certain way? Look into careers that you have thought about but never ever in your wildest dreams ever considered. I did that today. Today was a bit of an off day so while I was at the library I looked into the world of writing for film/ film production. Now, I did drama all throughout school and I loved it. Acting was my strongest subject. I don't want to be an actor, I'm no where near good enough but I've thought over the years about film production. This is going to sound weird but it all started when I put on the bonus disc of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Mans Chest and watched how exactly the film was brought to life. This was an hour long documentary about how the cast, crew, producers and director all put together the film. It showed them going to different countries, shooting in difficult places and how they over came that, even showing their costume design and how intricate it is. I was fascinated by it. I think this movie came out when I was about 13/14 and it seemed amazing at the time but I could never do that or apart of something as amazing as that. I never researched or looked into anything to do with it because of this doubt I had within myself. I broke that today by finally looking into everything I have wanted to. I don't necessarily know if it will happen, but it's a possiblity that I'm willing to look into because it's there. I know most people would laugh in my face for it but I don't really care what they think. I like writing and I'm good at it. I like drama and I'm good at it. I like film and I'm willing to investigate it further. I do know one thing that is for sure. My career is not in Australia. I know that much.
I have a friend that wants to do similar things. I can't remember exactly it is that she wants to do but I know it has something to do with films, art and going to university in the most elite art school in the United States. I think she'll get there. I really do. She's an amazing artist and has won national prizes for her work. She will be famous one day. I can garentee it. Well, not totally but it's just a feeling.
I am starting yoga. I found a great studio that is in the suburb where I'm moving to in a couple of months. It's by the river and looks very relaxing so I'm going to give that a try and see if I can let go of my anxiety once and for all before I make my permanent move overseas. I'm excited to move overseas. Like my own personal adventure. If I could get an internship with a production company there then that would be the icing on the cake. I hope my writing will take me somewhere in life. It's my own personal therapy and if I can transform it more and more into something that is seen and heard by millions of people worldwide then I think I will finally be happy within myself and not so critical all the time.
This isn't really telling you about my week since I am finishing this off on Monday when I started it last Friday. I never got back to it because I had a serious relapse on Saturday so I didn't really have the time.
I think I should finally post this and get it over and done with.
Bye-Bye.
Sunday, 25 March 2012
Saturday, 17 March 2012
Haunted Manson's, Children's Books and Being Bored
Today wasn't as adventurous as I thought it would be. Well, I read a book about adventure if that counts? I went to the library again today. Not my usual Saturday but the parental needed to get some study done so I offered for us to go to the library instead of hanging out at home. We did that. Go to the library I mean, not stayed home. If we stayed home I would have blogged hours ago and told you repeatedly how bored I was. So we went there and I felt like reading an actual book rather than my usual magazines. Now before any of you think the worst of me, I have actually read a book before. A whole book, shock horror. I have actually read multipul books. Loads of them. But this one books series I felt like reading is kind of a children's series. It's called A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket. I know it's a children's series but I can't help but love the characters, mystery and the drama. I guess it's more Gothic fiction than it is children's. But when I was there and wanted to go and get it, I discovered that it was in the Junior Fiction section. It shouldn't have surprised me but it did. The trouble with that is that in the library I was in today (which is different to the library I'm at 5 days a week), the junior section is completely sealed off and there are only little children running around there. I was embarrassed to go in there and search for my book but I did it anyway and it turns out that there was another girl my age looking for books there anyway. Plus some adults on the computers telling the children to be quiet. He kept doing it so I told him that he shouldn't do that because he was the one in the wrong section and if he didn't want to noise then he should move to one of the computers outside of the kids area. It didn't make any sense for him to be in there. Silly billy.
I don't really have anything else to talk about. I'm trying to think of something. Well, tomorrow I'm going to apply for 10 jobs. I don't know how thrilling that is but it was something to say. I read this book today about ghosts. It showed a series of photographs that people had taken when they thought they had seen a ghost. I must admit, two of the photographs showed the most amazing images I have ever seen. In one of the photos was a little girl but she was clearly not an average little by her appearance. It was so clear, the way they captured that on film is really astounding. I want to look up the most haunted buildings in the world now and find out all about the people who use to live in these places and how they came to be there. I think I may believe in ghosts now. I can't explain it, it's just a feeling that tells me they're real. I'm going to do my research now. Back in a bit.
Okay, that went well. I was a little creeped out about some of the stories that I read. The one that got me the most was about a boy who died aboard the Queen Mary ocean liner in the 30s or something. A fire had erupted on board and he was crushed to death in the engine room whilst trying to escape. They say that if you walk past the room now, you can hear banging and cry's for help coming from inside the room. That story was powerful. I could hear the banging. I could see it. Another story I liked was the one about Australia's most haunted house. I think you should look it up as it's quite an interesting read. I'm not going to say anymore about it other than it was pretty cool and not at scary as I thought it would be. However, then I looked at the photos of the inside of the house and I could see why it would be haunted and not why someone would actually live there now like a family is.
I don't really know what else to talk about so I might just leave it here. Happy blogging everyone.
Bye-Bye!
I don't really have anything else to talk about. I'm trying to think of something. Well, tomorrow I'm going to apply for 10 jobs. I don't know how thrilling that is but it was something to say. I read this book today about ghosts. It showed a series of photographs that people had taken when they thought they had seen a ghost. I must admit, two of the photographs showed the most amazing images I have ever seen. In one of the photos was a little girl but she was clearly not an average little by her appearance. It was so clear, the way they captured that on film is really astounding. I want to look up the most haunted buildings in the world now and find out all about the people who use to live in these places and how they came to be there. I think I may believe in ghosts now. I can't explain it, it's just a feeling that tells me they're real. I'm going to do my research now. Back in a bit.
Okay, that went well. I was a little creeped out about some of the stories that I read. The one that got me the most was about a boy who died aboard the Queen Mary ocean liner in the 30s or something. A fire had erupted on board and he was crushed to death in the engine room whilst trying to escape. They say that if you walk past the room now, you can hear banging and cry's for help coming from inside the room. That story was powerful. I could hear the banging. I could see it. Another story I liked was the one about Australia's most haunted house. I think you should look it up as it's quite an interesting read. I'm not going to say anymore about it other than it was pretty cool and not at scary as I thought it would be. However, then I looked at the photos of the inside of the house and I could see why it would be haunted and not why someone would actually live there now like a family is.
I don't really know what else to talk about so I might just leave it here. Happy blogging everyone.
Bye-Bye!
Friday, 16 March 2012
The Week That Was
I'm sure you guys are all getting sick of these by now. I'm sure you guys don't want to know about my week but I like blogging and I have nothing else to blog about so here is the week that was.
This week was okay. It was one of the better weeks that I've had. Well, it was better than last week that's all I know. Saturday was like an adventure looking into what I truly like and dislike. I sorted all of this out with my mum. We worked out that I desperately want to travel, that I don't want to get married as young as I thought or at all, that I am cautious when it comes to having children because of the way some children turn out and that I'd prefer not to have a fixed address or only live at one particular house/apartment for 12 months at a time (this generally being overseas too). Now that I've realised that I can actually leave the country and the only thing that is stopping me is money then life has become a lot simpler. To be honest, Australia is boring to me now. I want to find adventure and go between countries and learn a new language/s. I want to live in a culture then change at a drop of a hat. I sound like I want to be homeless or something. No, I don't want to be homeless, I just want to be sort of a travelling gypsy rather than someone who is tied down with a house, husband and children. That's what intrigues me. The fact that I don't have to stay somewhere if I don't want to. The fact that I can move around and nothing will stop me from doing so. A friend of mine wants to do similar things. She wants to live out of suitcases and travel everywhere and anywhere. I don't think I'm stealing her idea. No, I don't think that. I think I'm going off what I'm feeling currently, plus I don't want just travel. I want to live in these places and experience them 12 months at a time. I'll have the little apartment with the balcony in Italy, I'll have the terrace house in the middle of London, and I'll also have the New York apartment with the original brickwork inside. I want to live everywhere. Have all of my possessions shipped all around the world but pick up new things for every new home I'm in. That would be wonderful. It's exciting knowing that I can achieve this and that I can be a travelling gypsy if I wanted to be (I'm not going to be a real gypsy, just travel like one).
This post isn't really telling the week that was. Oh well, I still have some things to talk about before I get to the week that was.
Ian Thorpe. The human fish. I have a few things to say about his return to swimming. I don't think he's going to make it. There are a few things that go against him. One: The fact that he has been out of competition for a very long time (a long time in the swimming world). Two: He's older and therefore no longer has the body that he did at 17. Three: He's not in the best shape for competition. Four: He is going up against the fittest swimmers in Australia who have been training for this non-stop while he has had a few years off and then gone back. These guys haven't done that. They have trained their whole lives for this. 6 days a week. That's is what it takes. Thorpe has had a few months to prepare. It's not enough. Five: These guys are in the age bracket of 18-24. He has no chance.
I get that some comeback stories work but some people are just meant to stay retired. Why can't people just accept that they made that decision and stick to it. They made it so they have to live with it and live with the consequences. There are quite a number of Australian Swimmers that are coming out of retirement to try and make one last Olympic team. I just watched Thorpe's semi final. He came 6th out of 8. He was going well for the first 100m but then be died. He didn't actually die but you know what I mean. He sank and couldn't get going again. He still has the 100m freestyle to go so maybe he'll be able to do something with that since he could only make it that far in the 200m. If not, it's to the relay team for him. As he said, "The fairy tale has descended into a nightmare."
Right, I don't think I have anything more to say before I continue onto the week that was. Oh, I saw the funniest new story today. Three Japanese tourists were trying to get to North Stradbroke Island in their rental car yesterday. That's doesn't sound so strange since it is a beautiful place and everything. Well what's kooky about this story is that their GPS told them to drive down mangrove mud and attempt to drive across 15km of water. Now only Australians or Queenslanders will know what I'm talking about when I say, YOU CAN'T DO THAT! It is impossible to drive to NSI. Impossible. They have ferries designed to load up cars and take them across. This is how in year 11 my class and I travelled there for our Biology camp. This is just one of the photos from the story:
Ummm, yeah. You see the ferry in the distance? And you see the water? You'd think they'd connect the dots a bit more. I'm not being mean or anything but it was a pretty funny story. I mean no harm in mocking them. But seriously, how hard is it to not follow the GPS and actually look at where you're driving?
Another photo from the story:
??????
Moving on.
To the week that was!
Monday: Well, Monday I was pretty pumped up from realising that I didn't have to stay in the country anymore and my realisation that I also could do a flight attendant course in order for me to travel around the world for free, live in different places/countries and get payed for it. Sounded like a pretty sweet deal to me. So I look up everything I needed to know about this course and the cities/airlines I would like to work for and live in.
Tuesday: Pretty much the same as the day before except that I ran into one of my old friends one the train again. It was the same one as last week so meh.
Wednesday: It was raining that day. It was so nice. I love the rain. My favorite type of weather. I also ran into a girl from my old school drama class at the station and we caught up on everything we were doing.
Thursday: Rained again, though not as much. Nothing interesting to report.
Friday/Today: The same as Monday. This has really travelled through the week. I must has written so much above because I knew I didn't have much to talk about now.
So, that's all from me people. I'll see you next time I blog.
Bye-Bye.
This week was okay. It was one of the better weeks that I've had. Well, it was better than last week that's all I know. Saturday was like an adventure looking into what I truly like and dislike. I sorted all of this out with my mum. We worked out that I desperately want to travel, that I don't want to get married as young as I thought or at all, that I am cautious when it comes to having children because of the way some children turn out and that I'd prefer not to have a fixed address or only live at one particular house/apartment for 12 months at a time (this generally being overseas too). Now that I've realised that I can actually leave the country and the only thing that is stopping me is money then life has become a lot simpler. To be honest, Australia is boring to me now. I want to find adventure and go between countries and learn a new language/s. I want to live in a culture then change at a drop of a hat. I sound like I want to be homeless or something. No, I don't want to be homeless, I just want to be sort of a travelling gypsy rather than someone who is tied down with a house, husband and children. That's what intrigues me. The fact that I don't have to stay somewhere if I don't want to. The fact that I can move around and nothing will stop me from doing so. A friend of mine wants to do similar things. She wants to live out of suitcases and travel everywhere and anywhere. I don't think I'm stealing her idea. No, I don't think that. I think I'm going off what I'm feeling currently, plus I don't want just travel. I want to live in these places and experience them 12 months at a time. I'll have the little apartment with the balcony in Italy, I'll have the terrace house in the middle of London, and I'll also have the New York apartment with the original brickwork inside. I want to live everywhere. Have all of my possessions shipped all around the world but pick up new things for every new home I'm in. That would be wonderful. It's exciting knowing that I can achieve this and that I can be a travelling gypsy if I wanted to be (I'm not going to be a real gypsy, just travel like one).
This post isn't really telling the week that was. Oh well, I still have some things to talk about before I get to the week that was.
Ian Thorpe. The human fish. I have a few things to say about his return to swimming. I don't think he's going to make it. There are a few things that go against him. One: The fact that he has been out of competition for a very long time (a long time in the swimming world). Two: He's older and therefore no longer has the body that he did at 17. Three: He's not in the best shape for competition. Four: He is going up against the fittest swimmers in Australia who have been training for this non-stop while he has had a few years off and then gone back. These guys haven't done that. They have trained their whole lives for this. 6 days a week. That's is what it takes. Thorpe has had a few months to prepare. It's not enough. Five: These guys are in the age bracket of 18-24. He has no chance.
I get that some comeback stories work but some people are just meant to stay retired. Why can't people just accept that they made that decision and stick to it. They made it so they have to live with it and live with the consequences. There are quite a number of Australian Swimmers that are coming out of retirement to try and make one last Olympic team. I just watched Thorpe's semi final. He came 6th out of 8. He was going well for the first 100m but then be died. He didn't actually die but you know what I mean. He sank and couldn't get going again. He still has the 100m freestyle to go so maybe he'll be able to do something with that since he could only make it that far in the 200m. If not, it's to the relay team for him. As he said, "The fairy tale has descended into a nightmare."
Right, I don't think I have anything more to say before I continue onto the week that was. Oh, I saw the funniest new story today. Three Japanese tourists were trying to get to North Stradbroke Island in their rental car yesterday. That's doesn't sound so strange since it is a beautiful place and everything. Well what's kooky about this story is that their GPS told them to drive down mangrove mud and attempt to drive across 15km of water. Now only Australians or Queenslanders will know what I'm talking about when I say, YOU CAN'T DO THAT! It is impossible to drive to NSI. Impossible. They have ferries designed to load up cars and take them across. This is how in year 11 my class and I travelled there for our Biology camp. This is just one of the photos from the story:
Ummm, yeah. You see the ferry in the distance? And you see the water? You'd think they'd connect the dots a bit more. I'm not being mean or anything but it was a pretty funny story. I mean no harm in mocking them. But seriously, how hard is it to not follow the GPS and actually look at where you're driving?
Another photo from the story:
??????
Moving on.
To the week that was!
Monday: Well, Monday I was pretty pumped up from realising that I didn't have to stay in the country anymore and my realisation that I also could do a flight attendant course in order for me to travel around the world for free, live in different places/countries and get payed for it. Sounded like a pretty sweet deal to me. So I look up everything I needed to know about this course and the cities/airlines I would like to work for and live in.
Tuesday: Pretty much the same as the day before except that I ran into one of my old friends one the train again. It was the same one as last week so meh.
Wednesday: It was raining that day. It was so nice. I love the rain. My favorite type of weather. I also ran into a girl from my old school drama class at the station and we caught up on everything we were doing.
Thursday: Rained again, though not as much. Nothing interesting to report.
Friday/Today: The same as Monday. This has really travelled through the week. I must has written so much above because I knew I didn't have much to talk about now.
So, that's all from me people. I'll see you next time I blog.
Bye-Bye.
Saturday, 10 March 2012
99 Questions
40th post people!!!!! It's amazing how long it took me. I am quite ashamed. But whatever. 10 more posts until 50.
I'm doing another one of these things. I am just trying to pass the time.
1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
Open, they must always be open.
2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from the hotel?
No, I don't find the need to have them.
3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
Out, they must always be out for me to sleep properly.
4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
No but it sounds kind of fun .
5. Do you like to use post-it notes?
For exams yes.
6. Do you cut out coupons, but have never used them?
Not really.
7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or swarm of bees?
Big bear because bees can fly.
8. Do you have freckles?
No
9. Do you always smile for pictures?
I do now but I never use to. I wish I did for the formal though.
10. What is your biggest pet peeve?
People not signalling when driving. It's so annoying and it's really not that hard.
11. Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
No
12. Have you ever peed in the woods?
When I was little, yes. But don't judge me.
13. Do you ever dance when there is no music playing?
Yes I do.
14. Do you chew your pencils or pens?
No, I'm paranoid that something is going to happen to do. I'm also paranoid about the germs that are on them.
15. How many people have you slept with this week?
Excuse me? I'm no slut.
16. What size is your bed?
Double :)
17. What was your song of the week?
I don't really have one.
18. Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
In my personal opinion....No. It just doesn't look right to me. I feel the same way about people wearing jeans with thongs. It just doesn't look good.
19. Do you still watch cartoons?
Every weekend :P
20. What is your least favorite movie?
I really don't know. Probably something sci-fi. I just can't get into it.
21. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
Why should I tell you?
22. What do you drink with dinner?
Water.
23. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
Sauce. I have mine with sweet chilli sauce.
24. What is your favorite food?
I don't really have one but it would be something vegetarian.
25. What movies could you watch over and over again and still love?
Anything animation Disney. They are my favorites.
26. Last person you kissed/kissed you?
I honestly don't know since it was many years ago.
27. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
Nope
28. Would you ever strip or pose nude for a magazine?
No
29. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
A few days before graduation.
30. Can you change the oil in a car?
I believe I can.
31. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
No.
32. Ever ran out of gas?
No but came close to it yesterday.
33. Favorite kind of sandwich?
Hmmm that is really hard to answer. I don't know.
34. Best thing to eat after breakfast?
Umm, nothing BECAUSE you just had breakfast?
35. What is your usual bedtime?
It changes every night.
36. Are you lazy?
No I'm not, I exercise everyday and I want to do activities everyday.
37. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
I've never celebrated Halloween.
38. What is your Chinese astrological sign?
I am a dog.
39. How many languages do you speak?
One officially but I know bit and pieces of other languages plus I'm going to have to learn a European language since I'm going to be living there and because I'm going into a flight attendants course.
40. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
No
41. Which are better, legos or lincoln logs?
What are those?
42. Are you stubborn?
Yes I am unfortunatly.
43. Who is better? Leno or Letterman?
I've never watched either of them.
44. Ever watched soap operas?
Yes I have.
45. Are you afraid of heights?
only in certain situations.
46. Do you sing in the car?
I do but nothing comes out.
47. Do you sing in the shower?
No, but I talk to myself in the shower.
48. Do you dance in the car?
No
49. Ever used a gun?
Nope
50. Last time you got your portrait taken by a photographer?
Formal
51. Do you think musicals are cheesy?
Some are but others are amazing.
52. Is Christmas stressful?
For me it is. I hate Christmas.
53. Ever eat a pierogi?
What on Earth is that?
54. Favorite type of fruit pie?
Blueberry.
55. Occupations you wanted as a kid?
Oh I have had so many. Too many and it's still changing.
56. Do you believe in ghosts?
No but I love the thought. I love the history behind ghosts and how they came to be there. I think it's fascinating.
57. Ever have deja-vu?
Yes.
58. Take a vitamin daily?
Not anymore.
59. Wear slippers?
I prefer socks
60. Wear a bath robe?
Sometimes.
61. What do you wear to bed?
Normally shorts and a singlet all year round including winter.
62. First concert?
Never been to a concert.
63. Wal-mart, Kmart or Target?
Kmart have some amazing prices at the moment.
64. Nike or Adidas?
Nike
65. Cheetos or Fritos?
I'm guessing they're American chips and I don't eat chips so neither.
66. Peanuts or sunflower seeds?
Both
67. Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?
What the???
68. Ever take dance lessons?
Yess :D
69. Is there a profession you see your future spouse doing?
Future spouse?
70. Can you curl your tongue?
Nope.
71. Ever won a spelling bee?
Does in class count?
72. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
Maybe, I don't remember.
73. Own any record albums?
No but I would love to use them as artwork/
74. Own a record player?
I use to but then it broke.
75. Regularly burn incense?
No way.
76. Ever been in love?
Nope.
77. Who would you like to see in concert?
Adele.
78. What was the last concert you saw?
Never seen a concert.
79. Hot tea or cold tea?
Does that include Iced Tea? Because if it does then both.
80. Tea or coffee?
Tea
81. Sugar or snickerdoodles?
Neither.
82. Can you swim well?
Yes.
83. Can you hold your breath without holding you nose?
Can't everyone?
84. Are you patient?
I'm learning to be.
85. DJ or band at wedding?
Band.
86. Ever won a contest?
Yes.
87. Ever have plastic surgery?
Will I ever? No.
88. Which is better, black or green olives?
Ew neither.
89. Can you knit or crochet?
Yes I can do both
90. Best room for a fireplace?
Lounge room, bedroom and kitchen. But not a real fireplace in the kitchen on a big cut out so that the oven can go in there.
91. Do you want to get married?
Currently? No
92. If married, how long have you been married?
0 years.
93. Who was your high school crush?
I shouldn't say but everyone ones who reads this already knows anyway.
94. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?
No.
95. Do you have kids?
Hell to the no
96. Do you want kids?
Maybe in 10-20 years time. I have a lot of living to do before then!
97. What is your favorite colour?
Cream, purple and black. I know that's three but whatever.
98. Do you miss anyone right now?
No
99. Do you look ahead and plan your future?
I've been trying to do that less and less and it seems to be working.
I'm doing another one of these things. I am just trying to pass the time.
1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
Open, they must always be open.
2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from the hotel?
No, I don't find the need to have them.
3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
Out, they must always be out for me to sleep properly.
4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
No but it sounds kind of fun .
5. Do you like to use post-it notes?
For exams yes.
6. Do you cut out coupons, but have never used them?
Not really.
7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or swarm of bees?
Big bear because bees can fly.
8. Do you have freckles?
No
9. Do you always smile for pictures?
I do now but I never use to. I wish I did for the formal though.
10. What is your biggest pet peeve?
People not signalling when driving. It's so annoying and it's really not that hard.
11. Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
No
12. Have you ever peed in the woods?
When I was little, yes. But don't judge me.
13. Do you ever dance when there is no music playing?
Yes I do.
14. Do you chew your pencils or pens?
No, I'm paranoid that something is going to happen to do. I'm also paranoid about the germs that are on them.
15. How many people have you slept with this week?
Excuse me? I'm no slut.
16. What size is your bed?
Double :)
17. What was your song of the week?
I don't really have one.
18. Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
In my personal opinion....No. It just doesn't look right to me. I feel the same way about people wearing jeans with thongs. It just doesn't look good.
19. Do you still watch cartoons?
Every weekend :P
20. What is your least favorite movie?
I really don't know. Probably something sci-fi. I just can't get into it.
21. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
Why should I tell you?
22. What do you drink with dinner?
Water.
23. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
Sauce. I have mine with sweet chilli sauce.
24. What is your favorite food?
I don't really have one but it would be something vegetarian.
25. What movies could you watch over and over again and still love?
Anything animation Disney. They are my favorites.
26. Last person you kissed/kissed you?
I honestly don't know since it was many years ago.
27. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
Nope
28. Would you ever strip or pose nude for a magazine?
No
29. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
A few days before graduation.
30. Can you change the oil in a car?
I believe I can.
31. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
No.
32. Ever ran out of gas?
No but came close to it yesterday.
33. Favorite kind of sandwich?
Hmmm that is really hard to answer. I don't know.
34. Best thing to eat after breakfast?
Umm, nothing BECAUSE you just had breakfast?
35. What is your usual bedtime?
It changes every night.
36. Are you lazy?
No I'm not, I exercise everyday and I want to do activities everyday.
37. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
I've never celebrated Halloween.
38. What is your Chinese astrological sign?
I am a dog.
39. How many languages do you speak?
One officially but I know bit and pieces of other languages plus I'm going to have to learn a European language since I'm going to be living there and because I'm going into a flight attendants course.
40. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
No
41. Which are better, legos or lincoln logs?
What are those?
42. Are you stubborn?
Yes I am unfortunatly.
43. Who is better? Leno or Letterman?
I've never watched either of them.
44. Ever watched soap operas?
Yes I have.
45. Are you afraid of heights?
only in certain situations.
46. Do you sing in the car?
I do but nothing comes out.
47. Do you sing in the shower?
No, but I talk to myself in the shower.
48. Do you dance in the car?
No
49. Ever used a gun?
Nope
50. Last time you got your portrait taken by a photographer?
Formal
51. Do you think musicals are cheesy?
Some are but others are amazing.
52. Is Christmas stressful?
For me it is. I hate Christmas.
53. Ever eat a pierogi?
What on Earth is that?
54. Favorite type of fruit pie?
Blueberry.
55. Occupations you wanted as a kid?
Oh I have had so many. Too many and it's still changing.
56. Do you believe in ghosts?
No but I love the thought. I love the history behind ghosts and how they came to be there. I think it's fascinating.
57. Ever have deja-vu?
Yes.
58. Take a vitamin daily?
Not anymore.
59. Wear slippers?
I prefer socks
60. Wear a bath robe?
Sometimes.
61. What do you wear to bed?
Normally shorts and a singlet all year round including winter.
62. First concert?
Never been to a concert.
63. Wal-mart, Kmart or Target?
Kmart have some amazing prices at the moment.
64. Nike or Adidas?
Nike
65. Cheetos or Fritos?
I'm guessing they're American chips and I don't eat chips so neither.
66. Peanuts or sunflower seeds?
Both
67. Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?
What the???
68. Ever take dance lessons?
Yess :D
69. Is there a profession you see your future spouse doing?
Future spouse?
70. Can you curl your tongue?
Nope.
71. Ever won a spelling bee?
Does in class count?
72. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
Maybe, I don't remember.
73. Own any record albums?
No but I would love to use them as artwork/
74. Own a record player?
I use to but then it broke.
75. Regularly burn incense?
No way.
76. Ever been in love?
Nope.
77. Who would you like to see in concert?
Adele.
78. What was the last concert you saw?
Never seen a concert.
79. Hot tea or cold tea?
Does that include Iced Tea? Because if it does then both.
80. Tea or coffee?
Tea
81. Sugar or snickerdoodles?
Neither.
82. Can you swim well?
Yes.
83. Can you hold your breath without holding you nose?
Can't everyone?
84. Are you patient?
I'm learning to be.
85. DJ or band at wedding?
Band.
86. Ever won a contest?
Yes.
87. Ever have plastic surgery?
Will I ever? No.
88. Which is better, black or green olives?
Ew neither.
89. Can you knit or crochet?
Yes I can do both
90. Best room for a fireplace?
Lounge room, bedroom and kitchen. But not a real fireplace in the kitchen on a big cut out so that the oven can go in there.
91. Do you want to get married?
Currently? No
92. If married, how long have you been married?
0 years.
93. Who was your high school crush?
I shouldn't say but everyone ones who reads this already knows anyway.
94. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?
No.
95. Do you have kids?
Hell to the no
96. Do you want kids?
Maybe in 10-20 years time. I have a lot of living to do before then!
97. What is your favorite colour?
Cream, purple and black. I know that's three but whatever.
98. Do you miss anyone right now?
No
99. Do you look ahead and plan your future?
I've been trying to do that less and less and it seems to be working.
85 Truths
Yes, I'm doing one of these. They are so old but I'm bored out of my brain and I can't go out like I want to. so I'm stuck here in front of the computer. Enjoy.
What Was Your:
1. Last beverage: Water
2. Last phone call: Job offer
3. Last text message: Mum
4. Last song you listened to: Already Gone - Kelly Clarkson
5. Last time you cried: Friday I believe
Have You Ever:
6. Dated someone: Yes
7. Been cheated on: No
8. Kissed someone and regretted it: Nope
9. Lost someone special: Yes
10. Been depressed: I'm am currently battling depression
11. Been so drunk you threw up: Nope, like I would ever drink :P
List Three Favorite Colours:
12. Cream
13. Purple
14. Black
This Year You Have (2012):
15. Made a new friend: No
16. Fallen out of love: No
17. Laughed until you cried: Yes :)
18. Met someone who changed you: Not yet, soon though. I can feel it coming
19. Found out who your true friends are: Yes I have
20. Found out someone was talking about you: Not yet
21: Kissed anyone on your fb friends list: No
General:
22. How many people on your fb list do you know in real life: I believe I know everyone but one
23. Do you have any pets: Yes, I have two cats and a bird officially. However, I have three cats that live with me. I would count him though since he treats this place like a hotel. Only showing up for meals and to sleep. I swear he is like a typical teenager.
24. What time did you wake up today: 7:15 am
25. What were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeping
26. Name something you CANNOT wait for: To see if I get a number of jobs I applied for. If that fails then I can't want to start my 8 week flight attendant course. I'll be in the air shortly.
27. Last time you saw your Mother: About 45 minutes ago
28. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Where I live. I can't wait until I move to London and start living the dream.
29. What are you listening to right now: Already Gone - Kelly Clarkson
30. Have you ever talked to someone named Tom: I may have done but I'm not really sure :P
31. What's getting on your nerves right now: Having to stay home today
32. Most visited web pages: News websites, job websites and email
33. Nicknames: Too many to mention
34. Zodiac sign: Taurus
35. He or She: I am a she
36. Elementary: Wouldn't that give away where I live?
37. Middle School: Same deal...
38. High school: And again gosh!
39. Hair colour: Dark brown
40. Long or short: It's kind of in between at the moment
41. Height: Short
42. Do you have a crush on someone: No and it's going to stay that way
43. What do you like about yourself: I like my eyes
44. Piercings: I did have my ears pierced but they got infected so I have to close them
45. Tattoos: No never
46. Righty or Lefty: Righty
47. First surgery: I can't actually remember
48. First Piercing: Ears
49: First best friend: Maxine
50. First sport you joined: I think it was swimming at 6 months
Right Now:
51. Eating: Nothing
52. Drinking: Water
53. I'm about to: Possibly go to Old Man's house
54. Waiting for: To see if I get into these jobs/ course
55. Want kids: Not sure anymore
56. Want to get married: Again, I don't know anymore
57. Career: Hahahaha I have got so many things going it's actually funny
Which Is Better:
58. Lips or eyes: Eyes
59. Hugs or kisses: Hugs
60. Shorter or taller: Taller
61. Older or younger: Older
62. Romantic or spontaneous: Romantic
63. Nice stomach or nice arms: Arms
64. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive
65. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship
66. Trouble maker or hesitant: Defiantly hesitant
Have You Ever:
67. Kissed a stranger: No
68. Drank hard liquor: Gosh, what type of person do you think I am???
69. Lost glasses/contacts: Yes :P
70. Sex on the first date: No!
71. Broken someone's heart: No
72. Had your own heart broken: No
73. Turned someone down: Yes, but he was about 50 years old and couldn't speak English. Please, what would you do in this situation?
74. Fallen for a friend: Yes
Do You Believe In:
75. Yourself: I'm beginning to
76. Miracles: Not really
77. Love at first sight:
78. Santa Clause: Not anymore sadly
79. Kiss on the first date: No
Answer Truthfully:
80. Had more than one bf/gf at one time? No and I don't plan too
81. Is there one person you want to be with right now? Not really
82. Did you sing today? Not yet
83. If you could go back in time, how far would you go and why? I would go back to year 9 and change everything that happened that year.
84. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be? The day of the formal. That was so amazing and my friends did an amazing job organising everything. It was so much fun wearing the dresses and dancing. Just amazing!
85. Are you afraid of falling in love? Quite possibly but it's not something that I'm into at the moment.
Weddings
*Sigh*. Not what you were expecting hey? I just returned from a day at the beach and might I say that it was amazing. It was a bit of a rocky start but it all turned out in the end. Now I bet you're wondering what this title has to do with my day at the beach. Well, when I arrived people were setting up not one but two weddings. So because of this we chose a spot on the sand that was near the one of them so we could watch. While we were waiting for everything to begin I started to think of what I wanted now. This is what I found:
I found that I want to travel. A lot. I found that I don't want to settle down like I thought I did last year. Last year I thought I wanted to get married in my very early 20s, have children, buy a house and that would be it. I don't want any of that now. I want to see the world and have a career where I don't have a guy holding me down. Where I'm able to do what I want and live where I want, which is going to be in a different country. You can't do the things I want to do when you're driving your kids to soccer practice and thinking what you're going to feed your family for dinner. I found that that is the opposite of what I want. I can't wait to explore what this world has to offer. And honestly, I don't care if I ever find love or experience it. I really don't anymore. I work better and I'm a better, more in control person when I'm by myself. I have mentioned SWB on here before and I don't think I want what the group was originally about. It was originally about three girls wanting to find their prince charming and settle down pretty early. At the time I thought this was great because I had two other people, my best friends wanting the same things I did. Well, I did want those things. Once upon a time. I don't need a prince now to come and sweep me off my feet and say that he loves me. I may want it someday but I can't see it happening nor do I want it to happen. I'm happy with that because it gives me the freedom to be the person I want to be without someone else holding me back telling me that I can't do those things. But I can. I know I can.
So this brings me back to the wedding that was happening on the deck behind me. I love weddings, don't get me wrong. That hasn't changed. I love the love that is shown and I love watching the groom instead of the bride. The bride always has classic emotions but when the groom sees her for the first time in the dress and coming up the aisle to be his wife for the rest of his life, the reaction is amazing. So, I was watching the groom wait for her to arrive. He was freaking out. That is putting it lightly. He couldn't stand still nor could he walk around too much either. He would put his hands in his pockets and then out, put his sunglasses on then take them off again. He was pretty nervous. The best man also couldn't find the rings for a while so everyone was panicked over that too. They found them in the bottom of his pocket though so all was well. As I was watching them set everything up I had a feeling of what the bride might look like. I thought she would be brunette. But a dark brunette like some cheap dye job. I also thought she would be quite young as well. That was when she arrived.
When she got out of the car I wasn't surprised with what I saw. She had black hair, black bridesmaids (the dresses not the people. I'm not raciest), too much eye makeup on ( she looked like she was going clubbing not getting married), and she had the worst fake tan imaginable. She was orange. It looked worse also because she was, of course, wearing white. Also her dress and veil screamed cheap. I love a bargain believe me and I love shopping at op shops but this wouldn't be something I would be buying. She may have bought it for a fortune but it certainly didn't look like it was worth it. I must say though her veil was worse. It was cheap and you could tell. Oh well, it was outshone by her fake tan.
When the groom saw her though. He melted. It was so romantic seeing him go completely still just at the sight of her. It was like he just stopped and stared at her like she was the only person in the world. She, on the other hand, couldn't really care less. She seemed more interested in the way her dress looked than in him. It was sad to see how much love he had for her but she wasn't showing it back. Once they were married he didn't want to let go of her. He was always touching her whether it be her hand or the small of her back. She just talked to other people and didn't really look in his direction.
The wedding also seemed to be lacking something. It wasn't really full of substance like I thought it would be. I thought weddings were all about love and commitment but these two were finished in 15 minutes and walked away to a pop song. Not what I'd really call romantic.
Oh, I also just applied for a flight attendant course happening in May. I had to be 18 to do it and I'll be 18 by then. It's only 8 weeks long and after that I'll be traveling everywhere. It's not something I considered before since I'm doing something totally different right now but I thought that I might as well try and see where it takes me. I'm not able to do international flight until I'm 20 and I'm fine with that for now. Maybe it will happen or maybe it won't. I don't really care at this point and I might as well try everything and succeed than be too scared to try anything and end up with a boring job somewhere. I'll still be doing my legal and hoping something will come out of that but I might as well try everything else on the side. Plus, it gives me free travel.
If I get it, I get it. If I don't , I don't. It doesn't bother me either way. It'll a part of my life saying that I tried to be a flight attendant. It'll also be a part of my life saying that I was a legal student which I currently am. Cool. I never really thought about that before. I have to start thinking more positively. And I am, so yay me.
I shall leave it there until next time. I shall keep you up to date with my ventures.
Bye Bye everyone!
I found that I want to travel. A lot. I found that I don't want to settle down like I thought I did last year. Last year I thought I wanted to get married in my very early 20s, have children, buy a house and that would be it. I don't want any of that now. I want to see the world and have a career where I don't have a guy holding me down. Where I'm able to do what I want and live where I want, which is going to be in a different country. You can't do the things I want to do when you're driving your kids to soccer practice and thinking what you're going to feed your family for dinner. I found that that is the opposite of what I want. I can't wait to explore what this world has to offer. And honestly, I don't care if I ever find love or experience it. I really don't anymore. I work better and I'm a better, more in control person when I'm by myself. I have mentioned SWB on here before and I don't think I want what the group was originally about. It was originally about three girls wanting to find their prince charming and settle down pretty early. At the time I thought this was great because I had two other people, my best friends wanting the same things I did. Well, I did want those things. Once upon a time. I don't need a prince now to come and sweep me off my feet and say that he loves me. I may want it someday but I can't see it happening nor do I want it to happen. I'm happy with that because it gives me the freedom to be the person I want to be without someone else holding me back telling me that I can't do those things. But I can. I know I can.
So this brings me back to the wedding that was happening on the deck behind me. I love weddings, don't get me wrong. That hasn't changed. I love the love that is shown and I love watching the groom instead of the bride. The bride always has classic emotions but when the groom sees her for the first time in the dress and coming up the aisle to be his wife for the rest of his life, the reaction is amazing. So, I was watching the groom wait for her to arrive. He was freaking out. That is putting it lightly. He couldn't stand still nor could he walk around too much either. He would put his hands in his pockets and then out, put his sunglasses on then take them off again. He was pretty nervous. The best man also couldn't find the rings for a while so everyone was panicked over that too. They found them in the bottom of his pocket though so all was well. As I was watching them set everything up I had a feeling of what the bride might look like. I thought she would be brunette. But a dark brunette like some cheap dye job. I also thought she would be quite young as well. That was when she arrived.
When she got out of the car I wasn't surprised with what I saw. She had black hair, black bridesmaids (the dresses not the people. I'm not raciest), too much eye makeup on ( she looked like she was going clubbing not getting married), and she had the worst fake tan imaginable. She was orange. It looked worse also because she was, of course, wearing white. Also her dress and veil screamed cheap. I love a bargain believe me and I love shopping at op shops but this wouldn't be something I would be buying. She may have bought it for a fortune but it certainly didn't look like it was worth it. I must say though her veil was worse. It was cheap and you could tell. Oh well, it was outshone by her fake tan.
When the groom saw her though. He melted. It was so romantic seeing him go completely still just at the sight of her. It was like he just stopped and stared at her like she was the only person in the world. She, on the other hand, couldn't really care less. She seemed more interested in the way her dress looked than in him. It was sad to see how much love he had for her but she wasn't showing it back. Once they were married he didn't want to let go of her. He was always touching her whether it be her hand or the small of her back. She just talked to other people and didn't really look in his direction.
The wedding also seemed to be lacking something. It wasn't really full of substance like I thought it would be. I thought weddings were all about love and commitment but these two were finished in 15 minutes and walked away to a pop song. Not what I'd really call romantic.
Oh, I also just applied for a flight attendant course happening in May. I had to be 18 to do it and I'll be 18 by then. It's only 8 weeks long and after that I'll be traveling everywhere. It's not something I considered before since I'm doing something totally different right now but I thought that I might as well try and see where it takes me. I'm not able to do international flight until I'm 20 and I'm fine with that for now. Maybe it will happen or maybe it won't. I don't really care at this point and I might as well try everything and succeed than be too scared to try anything and end up with a boring job somewhere. I'll still be doing my legal and hoping something will come out of that but I might as well try everything else on the side. Plus, it gives me free travel.
If I get it, I get it. If I don't , I don't. It doesn't bother me either way. It'll a part of my life saying that I tried to be a flight attendant. It'll also be a part of my life saying that I was a legal student which I currently am. Cool. I never really thought about that before. I have to start thinking more positively. And I am, so yay me.
I shall leave it there until next time. I shall keep you up to date with my ventures.
Bye Bye everyone!
Friday, 9 March 2012
The Week That Was
Hey people, it's that time again. Presenting THE WEEK THAT WAS!
I think I should start with Sunday as I never actually do and isn't it actually the start of the week and not Monday?
Sunday: Sundays are meant to be lazy and joyful but I only like Sunday nights as they feel better compared to the rest of the day. So almost all of Sunday was spent on the computer job searching. I found quite a few promising ones so I applied for them along with some ones that I may not get but thought I should go for anyway. It doesn't matter if I go for some I'm not going to get. All I need is one job. THE job. I'll get it, I just have to be patient in the process. Nothing much else was done on this day.
Monday: Honestly, the days this week are an absolute bler. I can't really remember what happened on Monday. I think I just went to the library and job hunted. Yeah, oh and I think someone stole my spot in the library.
Tuesday: I think this may have been the day when I was running a little bit late by all of 5 minutes and some lady stole my spot again. I planned to take it as soon as she moved so I sat in an armchair across from her to make sure that I was going to be the first one to the seat. Only one problem. I can't exactly determine when someone is going to be leaving and it turned out that she didn't leave until half and hour before I was due to leave. That was really annoying and of course by this time I couldn't be bothered moving from the armchair. It's very rare that people are at the library for the same amount of time or longer than I am. I get there when the library opens at 9am and I don't leave until 2:55 in the afternoon. That's a total of 5 hours and 55 minutes. That's a pretty long time, it's basically a school day. Not that I do them anymore or anything since I you know GRADUATED. I think this may or may not have been the day that I saw another one of my old friends on the train. What is it with me and seeing people on trains. It's the most random thing. I now look out for people just in case I see them. I don't have a problem seeing them, it's just a bit of a shock when I do and I don't really know what to do in that situation. Do I go up and talk to them or look awkwardly out the window and try not to make eye contact or say hello and go back to whatever it was that I was doing before I saw them? I still haven't figured it out and he was the third person I'd seen in 2 weeks on the train. The first one was great and we talked, the second was awkward and only realised I was on the train at all just before I got off and the third asked me to sit next to him but I declined since I would be getting off in two stops. It's wasn't THAT awkward but I just didn't know where to look.
Wednesday: I can't actually remember Wednesday at all so it mustn't have been very eventful. I won't bore you with trying to think of something then.
Thursday: Okay, so Thursday is when something major went down. Over the past week I was approached by Doug about a textbook he needed for his uni that I had. You see, I did uni during year 12 and for part of this I had to buy a textbook (duh). Now he is doing the subject that I was doing and he wanted to buy the book off of me. Now you know how I'm kinda unstable at the moment blah blah blah. Well, I thought this would be fine since I was getting money for a book I didn't even use but then he would just drag me along with the details and when I was going to get the money etc. He approached me last Thursday for this and I hadn't heard anything from it so I started getting anxious and I just wanted it sorted because I had had enough. So last night I finally dealt with it by simply telling him that I didn't want to be stuffed around anymore and I wasn't going to continue to take it. I also told him that he wasn't getting the book from me because of it and that I didn't want to deal with him anymore. I felt free after that point but because I had been carrying it around with me for a week a good cry/breakdown of crying was in order for my body to release everything it had been holding it. I felt better because of it but then I started to doubt myself again and think unhealthy thoughts again. I have problems with these thoughts and they often cloud my mind and my judgement in certain situations. I'm working on it I promise but right now I'm having a hard time.
Friday: Today was good as I felt refreshed from the night-before. Mum and I were planning our day trip to the coast and I was really looking forward to relaxing instead of being anxious and not able to handle my emotions. One thing about this day did stand out though. My wisdom teeth are coming through and it is a very painful experience. I also didn't use any form of media today, until I got home that is. It was good, it was relaxing. But the pain of my teeth was always there and I had a hard time thinking about anything else. When I got home the pain of that was so bad and I broke drown again because I couldn't handle everything that had happened during the week. I have become quite the crier since the start of this year and that's saying something since I rarely use to cry at all. I found this book about happiness, healing and well-being. I'm going to take it when I go to the beach and start from there and see where it takes me. I'm hoping it will heal whatever is going on inside of me and bring me closer to being the person I want to be compared to this shell of a person who can't cope with anything additional coming into her life.
I hope the book will be a blessing. Here's hoping. Until next time, that was the week that was.
I think I should start with Sunday as I never actually do and isn't it actually the start of the week and not Monday?
Sunday: Sundays are meant to be lazy and joyful but I only like Sunday nights as they feel better compared to the rest of the day. So almost all of Sunday was spent on the computer job searching. I found quite a few promising ones so I applied for them along with some ones that I may not get but thought I should go for anyway. It doesn't matter if I go for some I'm not going to get. All I need is one job. THE job. I'll get it, I just have to be patient in the process. Nothing much else was done on this day.
Monday: Honestly, the days this week are an absolute bler. I can't really remember what happened on Monday. I think I just went to the library and job hunted. Yeah, oh and I think someone stole my spot in the library.
Tuesday: I think this may have been the day when I was running a little bit late by all of 5 minutes and some lady stole my spot again. I planned to take it as soon as she moved so I sat in an armchair across from her to make sure that I was going to be the first one to the seat. Only one problem. I can't exactly determine when someone is going to be leaving and it turned out that she didn't leave until half and hour before I was due to leave. That was really annoying and of course by this time I couldn't be bothered moving from the armchair. It's very rare that people are at the library for the same amount of time or longer than I am. I get there when the library opens at 9am and I don't leave until 2:55 in the afternoon. That's a total of 5 hours and 55 minutes. That's a pretty long time, it's basically a school day. Not that I do them anymore or anything since I you know GRADUATED. I think this may or may not have been the day that I saw another one of my old friends on the train. What is it with me and seeing people on trains. It's the most random thing. I now look out for people just in case I see them. I don't have a problem seeing them, it's just a bit of a shock when I do and I don't really know what to do in that situation. Do I go up and talk to them or look awkwardly out the window and try not to make eye contact or say hello and go back to whatever it was that I was doing before I saw them? I still haven't figured it out and he was the third person I'd seen in 2 weeks on the train. The first one was great and we talked, the second was awkward and only realised I was on the train at all just before I got off and the third asked me to sit next to him but I declined since I would be getting off in two stops. It's wasn't THAT awkward but I just didn't know where to look.
Wednesday: I can't actually remember Wednesday at all so it mustn't have been very eventful. I won't bore you with trying to think of something then.
Thursday: Okay, so Thursday is when something major went down. Over the past week I was approached by Doug about a textbook he needed for his uni that I had. You see, I did uni during year 12 and for part of this I had to buy a textbook (duh). Now he is doing the subject that I was doing and he wanted to buy the book off of me. Now you know how I'm kinda unstable at the moment blah blah blah. Well, I thought this would be fine since I was getting money for a book I didn't even use but then he would just drag me along with the details and when I was going to get the money etc. He approached me last Thursday for this and I hadn't heard anything from it so I started getting anxious and I just wanted it sorted because I had had enough. So last night I finally dealt with it by simply telling him that I didn't want to be stuffed around anymore and I wasn't going to continue to take it. I also told him that he wasn't getting the book from me because of it and that I didn't want to deal with him anymore. I felt free after that point but because I had been carrying it around with me for a week a good cry/breakdown of crying was in order for my body to release everything it had been holding it. I felt better because of it but then I started to doubt myself again and think unhealthy thoughts again. I have problems with these thoughts and they often cloud my mind and my judgement in certain situations. I'm working on it I promise but right now I'm having a hard time.
Friday: Today was good as I felt refreshed from the night-before. Mum and I were planning our day trip to the coast and I was really looking forward to relaxing instead of being anxious and not able to handle my emotions. One thing about this day did stand out though. My wisdom teeth are coming through and it is a very painful experience. I also didn't use any form of media today, until I got home that is. It was good, it was relaxing. But the pain of my teeth was always there and I had a hard time thinking about anything else. When I got home the pain of that was so bad and I broke drown again because I couldn't handle everything that had happened during the week. I have become quite the crier since the start of this year and that's saying something since I rarely use to cry at all. I found this book about happiness, healing and well-being. I'm going to take it when I go to the beach and start from there and see where it takes me. I'm hoping it will heal whatever is going on inside of me and bring me closer to being the person I want to be compared to this shell of a person who can't cope with anything additional coming into her life.
I hope the book will be a blessing. Here's hoping. Until next time, that was the week that was.
Saturday, 3 March 2012
Life Sorter
I keep reading over my own title thinking it says Life Shorter. Don't worry guys my life isn't getting shorter, or maybe it is and I just don't know. Anyway, I am currently sorting out my life and of course you guys know that if you've read my last billion blog posts not that I've posted that many *cough* moving on! So, as you all know I trying to work out what's right and what's not right. So this is what I've done since I finished school in November last year:
1. Got accepted into uni
2. Deferred Uni offer for 6 months
3. Started looking for work
4. Changed my mind and wanted to accept uni offer but was too late to do so
5. Started online course while I waited
6. Almost finish first subject when realised that I didn't have the software to complete it
7. Didn't bother with course anymore
8. Changed my mind about what course I wanted to do and looked into starting new one
9. Got heaps of job interviews but rejected the jobs for some stupid reason
10. Stopped looking for work
11. Started looking into uni again
12. Looked at the uni all of my friends are at and want to go there
13. Figured out I could get accepted into there but have to wait until semester one
14. Stopped studying all together
15. Did nothing at the library except read magazines and play games on my phone
16. Met up with friend who is currently going to Uni and didn't like what I heard about it so decided to look for work again
17. This is where I'm at today
This has all been a bit of a nightmare. Put on top of that depression and multiple breakdowns because of it and you'll find me at the end of that long confusing road.
I have a habit of looking at where other people are in their lives and comparing them to myself. I must say that this isn't very healthy of me to do. I look at the people who didn't get OP's from school and I must say that are doing a hell of a lot better than those people who got accepted into Uni. I got one of the worst OP's imaginable. I think only one kid got worse than me possibly and all the ones that have horrible OP's or don't have them at all are doing really well. The ones with OP's, good OP's well they have no money, no jobs and have to have Hex debts to pay for their studies. That life doesn't look so glamorous to me. I'm no different to them though since I have no money, no job. I've tried Uni during year 12 and I must say that it wasn't the greatest. It was stressful, the work was horrible and the people weren't very encouraging. I don't really think I fit in with my friends who are going to Uni and who are academic people while I'm the total opposite. I hated school, I was always last minute with all my work and I wanted nothing to do with the teachers. It doesn't make sense for me to be hanging around people like that. I don't like it, I'm sure they probably don't either. I don't like it for the fact that I feel they think they're above me because they're at University and they're having all these 'experiences'. I want nothing to do with it. So, for people who are like that, I'll be your friend but I don't want to hear about your amazing Uni life okay. I just don't! It's not my life and I want nothing to do with it.
That was something that has been building for quite a while and I kinda got tipped over the edge yesterday when a really good friend of mine who I thought I was spending the day with ditched me after an hour and a half for one of her Uni friends. Yeah, thanks a lot. Let's just say that I didn't appreciate it. It was kinda awkward between us anyway like we were totally different people and haven't been friends for 5+ years. There was a lot of silence.
So, coming back on topic of sorting out my life I'm going to get a job. A very good job that pays well (none of this by the hour crap) and have an actually income and meet mew friends there. I defiantly need new friends, friends who are up to the same things in their lives as I am in mine. My current friends aren't. They're still in teenage mode whilst I'm in 20s mode. It's amazing how things change in a few short months. I'm glad I've made these changes. I'm glad I'm moving forward and dropping high school and all it's contents behind me. It's like a snake removing it's skin. I'm finally shedding all of high school away from me and leaving it where it need to be. I'll never look back. Only forward from now on. Good luck me. I wish you well through this journey alone.
Friday, 2 March 2012
The Week That Was
I think I may start doing these every week. They seem interesting, not that you guys are actually going to read this and think 'Oh, this is interesting'. No, but whatever. It's my blog and I'll blog about whatever I want to.
So the week that was. The week was very dull. Nothing happen. Nothing. Phantomess did come and visit me twice but we catch up every week so it was nothing special. Everybody started University this week. Nothing exciting there either as I was not the one who was starting Uni. I am currently in what I call Limbo. I'm not doing anything with my life at the moment. Nothing. It's kind of driving me crazy because I'm not going anywhere. Either everybody is making new friends or getting boyfriends or starting Uni or getting a new job and what am I doing? I'm sitting at a Library all day playing games on my phone and reading magazines. That's all I'm doing with my life. I have no new friends and I certainly don't have a boyfriend. I have ambition. I have heaps of ambition. But nothing is helping me achieve what I want to.
As for my friends having new friends, well, let's just say that I feel like I've been pushed aside because of it. Maybe I'm just jealous because they're in a better place than I am or maybe it's because they actually have friends while I have zero. I like having friends, I'm actually quite the people pleaser but I don't like having other people's issues on top of me. I here to help but I hate it when once I've helped them they just ditch me and go off and now I'm left with this thing, this problem weighing me down. You can tell when this is happening too, I go silent and not talk, I become fidgety or when I'm by myself again I have a little breakdown or 'freakout'. None of this is right but, as I said I'm a people pleaser and I will always help people with their problems. Maybe I'm better off without friends. Hmmm, I've never really thought about being a loner. It would make things more stable but I would have no fun or laughter in my life. It's a tough thing cutting off all old friends. I haven't made a decision yet, I don't want to but I have to think of what's best for me and for my stability.
I'm getting a job. Work would be good for me actually what with the hours, the money. A job would give me the stability that I'm seeking but haven't found yet.Yeah, I think this is the way to go.
Train stations: I see the most random people there. Like a couple of days ago I ran into one of my old friends at the station. We weren't particularly close but (lets call him BG just because they're his initials) BG and I had a good chat and caught each other up to what we were doing with ourselves these days. He actually ditched this lady from his class that was talking to him. Well, maybe ditched is the wrong word, ran away from is probably a better fit for what he did. Plus we had a laugh on the train when a kid almost fell onto his lap. That priceless moment of his facial expression, I will never forget it. I also ran into someone else I knew today. He and I went to primary school together and I'll call him MP because again, they are his initials. I didn't even know it was MP until he and I were both going for the train door at the same time and I almost trip over the guy. Embarrassed, I look up and to my horror it's MP. Awkward much? So, I bet you're thinking "how is this awkward?".Well, he and I kinda had a thing but then I moved to a different school and didn't see each other for about 5ish years. Now I bet you understand why it's awkward and if not well, IT WAS AWKWARD!!!!!!!!!
Moving on. I still haven't got to The Week That Was but I kinda have as this all happened throughout my week. My week has been both good and bad. Most of my weeks seem to float into this direction of being both good and bad. I can't have a solid good week but I can have a okay week, a bad week, a meh week or a good and bad week. It was good because I'm slowly working out what's good for me and what's not and I'm working out how things are working within my life. It was bad because I still have to go through the pain of what works for me and what doesn't. Its bad because I usually find out late that things are bad for me and they have usually done their damage once I've realised.
So, the week that was. Enjoy yourself reading it since it's not very thrilling.
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